Self-Help is a Scam (and Other Spells They Don’t Want You to Know) - The dark side of self-help no one talks about.
Let me guess.
You tried the journal prompts. You made a vision board. You “manifested” like your rent depended on it (because it did). You even forgave your emotionally unavailable ex in the name of vibrational alignment.
And still… here you are.
Exhausted. Ashamed. Broke. And wondering if maybe you are the problem.
You’re not. The problem is self-help culture—and I’m about to hex it lovingly into the dirt.
🔮 Let’s Start With the Obvious: It’s a Business, Not a Blessing
The self-help industry is a $13 billion goldmine built on your belief that you’re broken.
And it thrives by:
- Selling you the illusion of progress
- Making your trauma a personal branding opportunity
- Gaslighting you into thinking you just need one more program to finally heal
It’s capitalism in a cauldron, baby—and they’ve got incense to cover the smell.
🔁 What They Don’t Tell You
- ✖ Healing isn’t linear.
But they’ll sell it to you like a ladder, with each rung labeled $497. - ✖ Growth doesn’t look pretty.
Sometimes it’s crying in your car while eating chips and unlearning internalized shame—not journaling in a linen robe beside a candle named “Abundance.” - ✖ You don’t need a guru.
Especially not one who thinks your trauma is a branding opportunity for their YouTube thumbnails.
🧹 Here’s What’s Really Going On
Self-help preys on:
- Neurodivergent brains desperate for systems
- Queer, femme, or marginalized folks hungry for safety and structure
- Spiritually lost souls looking for something to believe in
It tells you: “Fix yourself, and THEN you’ll be worthy.”
But you were never broken to begin with. You were unsupported. There’s a difference.
🕷️ If You’ve Ever Thought…
- “I must not be trying hard enough.”
- “Everyone else seems to be thriving—why can’t I?”
- “Maybe if I fix my mindset, I’ll finally get my life together.”
Pause.
Ask yourself:
Who benefits from you thinking your suffering is a mindset problem instead of a structural one?
Spoiler: it’s not you.
🕯️ What If We Did It Differently?
Let’s conjure a feral form of healing instead:
- 🔮 Mutual validation over mindset hacks
- 🔥 Messy rituals over rigid routines
- 🖤 Community care over toxic individualism
We’re not meant to do this alone—or in silence—or with pastel planners promising “high-vibe alignment.”
✨ Reclaim Your Power with This Anti-Self-Help Spell
Write a list of every belief you’ve been sold about what “healed” is supposed to look like.
Burn it.
Laugh.
Then go eat something delicious and remind yourself that your survival is already sacred.
🔛 Affirmation for the Over-It Witch:
“I am not a project. I am a storm with no deadline. I am already magic, even when I’m messy.”
🔯 Closing Rant from Hagatha
“If I had a nickel for every time someone sold me a workbook, told me to drink water, and called it shadow work—I could finally afford the therapy I actually need.
The only real self-help? Rage, boundaries, and building altars out of spite. Don’t let a $997 course convince you to love your abuser or color-code your trauma.”
— Hagatha Screams Into the Void
📎 Want More Unholy Wisdom?
Check out Witch Wound Wednesday on Ko-fi for free, feral shadow work prompts, printable PDFs, and ritual rebellion. No guru. No fluff. Just rage, magic, and maybe glitter.
🕯️ Cast Your Voice Into the Void
Drop a comment if this post called out your bookshelf, exposed your inner people-pleaser, or reminded you why you ghosted that life coach with 37 chakras and no boundaries. I want to hear your take—rage, revelations, or spicy spellwork welcome.
🕷️ Follow me for more witchy wisdom and chaotic healing:
🩸 BlueSky – for dark affirmations, ADHD witch rants, and shadow spells that slap
🖤 Facebook – for blog drops, sneak peeks, Hagatha tantrums, and occasional feral soapbox moments
Because healing doesn’t have to be quiet. Or cute. Or capitalist.
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